Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. PresidentCowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished guests, you know who you are, honored facultyand creepy Spanish teacher.
And thank you to all the graduating classof 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven’tslept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate ’til I finish, so listen up. When I was asked to make the commencementspeech, I immediately said yes.
Then I went to look up what Poco X3 lite new leaks , Full specifications and many more. meantwhich would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia’s,and they’re all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, tofind out the meaning.
Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step ona crack, you break your mother’s back. So there’s that. But I’m honored that you’ve asked me hereto speak at your common cement.
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus,alumini, aluminum, alumis; you had to graduate from this school. And I didn’t go to college here, and I don’tknow if President Cowan knows, I didn’t go to any college at all, any college.
And I’m not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity. Although I did graduate from the school ofhard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at Newcomb and I would go thereevery time I needed to steal something out of her purse.
But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you’re too far awayand I’d never get away with it. I’m here because of you. Because I can’t think of a more tenacious,more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes.
And thank you to all the graduating classof 2009, I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven’tslept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate ’til I finish, so listen up. When I was asked to make the commencementspeech, I immediately said yes.
Then I went to look up what Poco X3 lite new leaks , Full specifications and many more. meantwhich would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in our house are Portia’s,and they’re all written in Australian. So I had to break the word down myself, tofind out the meaning.
Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step ona crack, you break your mother’s back. So there’s that. But I’m honored that you’ve asked me hereto speak at your common cement.
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus,alumini, aluminum, alumis; you had to graduate from this school. And I didn’t go to college here, and I don’tknow if President Cowan knows, I didn’t go to any college at all, any college.
And I’m not saying you wasted your time,or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity. Although I did graduate from the school ofhard knocks, our mascot was the knockers. I spent a lot of time here growing up. My mom worked at Newcomb and I would go thereevery time I needed to steal something out of her purse.
But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal, you’re too far awayand I’d never get away with it. I’m here because of you. Because I can’t think of a more tenacious,more courageous graduating class. I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes.
